keliru .. buntu..

luar sana sangat ceria. cerah. menarik. cantik. tenang. walau angin sejuk menyapa tubuh. tapi aku rasa kian keliru dan pening. menghitung sesuatu yang tidak pasti. banyak perkara tidak pasti namun, hal begini pun patutkah di golongkan yang tidak pasti. jadi apa yang boleh dipastikan lagi kini.

bila diri dalam keliru, semua tidak menjadi. tidak tahu ke mana arah nak pergi. semua yang dibuat rasa makin menemui jalan buntu. paling parah lagi, bila kecekalan hati kini mula meragu. sudahnya makin banyak pula yang menjadi tidak pasti. aku akhirnya terus keliru.................

im coming home

it is not ok..

april

Adele: Someone Like You Lyrics

I heard that you're settled down,
That you found a girl and you're married now,
I heard that your dreams came true,
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you,
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,

You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,
We were born and raised in a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise of our glory days,
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"

Nothing compares,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead,"

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead

music dihati - jar of hearts

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

selepas 4 tahun

Alhamdullilah...........

saya belum lagi tamat, tapi dalam 4 atau 6 minggu lagi saya mungkin akan meninggalkan jejak akhir di bumi UK ini. kesukaran yang dilalui disulami tangis sedih dan gembira mendewasakan saya. membuka minda dengan lebih luas. mengajar nilai hidup yang tidak dapat dibeli dimana-mana. mengajar saya erti berdikari. mengajar saya erti sabar. mengajar saya erti pasrah dan redha. bukan mudah untuk disimpulkan semua ini, tapi dalam jerih dalam jerit dalam tangis dalam baran akhirnya saya tempuh jua dan sedari manisnya semua dihujung-hujung ini.

perjuangan saya belum selesai. saya tidaklah pintar dan ada skill yang lemah dan tak mampu untuk di usahakan sekejap-kejap ini. namun, bermula pertengahan februari saya hingga awal march saya berjaya menhantar draft pertama kerja saya. sokongan dari M amat membantu. saya seakan berlari berganti-ganti. selesai penghantaran sekarang bermula proses penyediaan draft kedua ekoran penilaian awal. dalam kesempitan masa, bagi saya dan juga M, namun, saya rasa dia cuba semampu mungkin untuk membantu yang terdaya. seminggu 2 bab dipulangkan. dan saya juga cuba seboleh mungkin untuk bersaing agar tidak merumitkan keadaan. kerana jika leka sedikit, berbaki masa yang ada saya akan terjerat.

ada dua tiga bab yang saya perlu tekan nanti tapi M masih belum habis lagi. semua akan dipulangkan sebelum dia bercuti dan saya perlu bersedia sekembali dia dari bercuti untuk secepat mungkin selesaikan dan pulang. namun, segalanya adalah perancangan manusia, selebihnya pada Nya saya berserah. harapan ingin selesaikan segalanya sebelum pulang, namun M berubah fikiran kerana keadaan masa yang dirasa tidak sesuai. selagi belum ada kata putus selagi itu saya panjatkan doa tapi jika sudah itu ketentuan Nya saya redha. bukan mudah untuk menerima, tapi saya belajar untuk terima.

masih banyak yang perlu dilakukan......... untuk tamatkan perjuangan ini. sekurang-kurangnya dapat kebenaran untuk tamatkan penulisan, sudah cukup bermakna.

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